


baby if you hold me (then all of this will go away)

by theyoungv_eins



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungv_eins/pseuds/theyoungv_eins
Summary: He remembers Aaron rushing towards him. Hugging him so hard that the air was knocked from his lungs. He remembers how much of a relief it was, having his husband back in his arms, actually touching him, for the first time in weeks.





	

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a hot minute since i last posted something oops  
> this is rushed and lazy and maybe doesn't make sense  
> it is 12:00am and also i don't have a beta
> 
> title from budapest by george ezra because we're doing it in my ukulele class and i like the lyrics  
> is it related?? who knows ?

Robert doesn’t touch Aaron. Not at first, anyway.

He wants to. _God,_ he wants to, but how can he? Not after what he’s done. Not after what Aaron has been through recently.

Sure, they’ve hugged and touched and been close all day. He remembers Aaron rushing towards him. Hugging him so hard that the air was knocked from his lungs. He remembers how much of a relief it was, having his husband back in his arms, actually _touching him,_ for the first time in weeks.

It was over twelve hours ago now, but it feels like it’s been minutes. It feels like they’ve had no time together at all.

He remembers sitting next to Aaron in the Mill, letting him rest against his side and holding him close. Putting an arm around him as they walked, holding his hand in the pub.

This is different, somehow. Sharing a bed with Aaron is so much more different. He wants so badly to just hold him, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

Instead, he pulls the sheets up to his nose and just watches him. He’s still settling down, texting Liv on Robert’s phone and trying to get comfortable at the same time.

He looks exhausted – they both do. Of course they’re exhausted, because neither of them has slept very well for way too long. It’s hard, sleeping alone ( _Or with someone else,_ is what comes into Robert’s mind). Especially now, since they were so used to sleeping next to each other every night.

It wasn’t like this with Chrissie. It might’ve been, before Aaron. And maybe it could’ve been, if he didn’t fall in love all over again. But he didn’t love Chrissie as fiercely as he loves Aaron now. He cherished those rare nights on his own – a big, warm bed, all to himself. All the time in the world to pretend like he wasn’t betraying her and hurting Aaron, that it was just him and it always would be.

Now, being away from Aaron - it nearly killed him. He could hardly sleep in their bed, too big and too cold and too lonely. He could hardly sleep on the sofa, too small for him to fit on and still too lonely. And now, he’s not even sure he can sleep in their bed, even with Aaron back. It’s just the right size, perfectly warm. But guilt and regret still looms over him like a nightmare, and it’s starting to feel like it won’t ever go away.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Robert turns over and sinks lower under the covers until his face is covered. He should be happy that he’s got his husband back. He is, of course – more than happy. But it’s hard, not knowing what is and isn’t okay. Aaron’s obviously on edge (his nose still aches, even hours later), so who knows what could happen? He might wake up in the middle of the night and get confused, hit Robert again. Maybe he’ll have nightmares again.

Robert doesn’t know whether it’s okay for him to touch Aaron. It was okay before, but that was a while ago. Now, it might be different.

Finally, he hears Aaron stop shuffling around. He hears the sound of his phone being put down onto the bedside table, and then Aaron shuffling around even more.

“Forgetting about something?” Aaron asks, finally settled down in the bed.

Robert turns over to look at him, eyebrow raised in confusion. Aaron is lying a few inches away, mirroring his expression. His face softens after a few seconds of looking at each other, and he starts to shuffle over. “C’mere,” Aaron tells him. “I’m not going to break.”

Robert smiles, lets out a soft sigh. “I know,” he says. _You could. Maybe you would if I told you what I did._ He lets Aaron pull him into his arms and just hold onto him. He feels him holding him as close as he can. He feels his pulse, and he feels his breath falter and hitch, and he feels himself wanting to cry. He can’t, though. He wants to just let it all out, finally, but he’ll keep it together for now. For Aaron.

For now, though, he holds Aaron in his arms and in their bed, and thanks every God he can think of that he’s out now, rather than in a year’s time.

“I didn’t know if,” Robert starts, reluctant, “if this was okay.”

Aaron looks up, rubs his nose against Robert’s. “Of course it is,” he tells him. His eyes are red and wet, and he looks a wreck, but he’s still smiling and Robert just thinks he’s gorgeous. “I missed you, ya idiot.”

Robert can’t help but grin, rubbing Aaron’s back with his hand. “I know. I missed you, too.” He kisses his forehead and lets himself settle down properly.

He can finally get a good night’s, now that he’s not alone.

(Almost.)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr [@aarondingl-e](http://aarondingl-e.tumblr.com)! come say hi or send anons or like!! anything!  
> tell me i'm a shit writer and i'll probably thank you!


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